


Act Like a Wasteman, That's Not Me

by 126916912



Series: Deleted VeggieSamosa Works [2]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Casual Sex, Catfishing, Denial of Feelings, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Online Dating, Scheming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-27 03:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30116592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/126916912/pseuds/126916912
Summary: Jaehyun is sick of hearing Sangyeon complain about the dates he finds on apps and sites never turning into anything that lasts.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Sangyeon
Series: Deleted VeggieSamosa Works [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216148
Kudos: 2





	Act Like a Wasteman, That's Not Me

Jaehyun goes to Younghoon because objectively he's the smartest of all his friends (who are happy to let him shit talk certain mutual friends). If Younghoon has any flaws it is the way he will wear an expression of excruciating pain without ever complaining verbally. So Jaehyun doesn't stop his ranting monologue. He continues regaling Younghoon with this one particular grievance about one particular friend (if the word gives the right sort of exposition about their relationship) because he needs the catharsis more than Younghoon needs him to shut up. 

"Jaehyun, what are you doing here?" Chanhee asks when he arrives at the gaming cafe just around the corner from Jaehyun's flat. He is wearing sunglasses (indoors, if anyone was interested) with pink lenses which do not mask his judgemental countenance as he peers down at Jaehyun. 

"I'm just spending some quality time with my good friend Younghoon," Jaehyun says blandly. It might have worked as a cover, had Younghoon not screamed his pleas for rescue at Chanhee over the back of his chair with his eyes alone. 

Jaehyun is lying to himself. Chanhee came here specifically to scoff at Jaehyun and use his weedy arms to evict a poor, innocent hero from their chair. 

"You know you have to pay to use these computers, don't you?" Chanhee asks. "How long have you been sitting here wasting money that the screensaver is on?" 

Jaehyun glances at the monitor. He'd been distracted right from the second Younghoon offered to let him choose the game they would play together. Somehow that had been an excellent segue into Jaehyun's rant, but right now he doesn't have a clue what prompted it. 

"It feels like forever," Younghoon mutters forlornly. 

"You're awful," Chanhee says to Jaehyun. "Leave Younghoon alone. He's a very busy man. We have somewhere to be."

"You two are so boring," Jaehyun says, disappointment dripping from every syllable. Younghoon used to be cool. Nobody would make the mistake of thinking that these days but months ago he was very cool. "Going on dates and not hanging out with your other friends is bad for your health."

Chanhee lifts his sunglasses onto his forehead and scowls at Jaehyun. "It's not a date. We are going to spend time with some friends. All of our cool friends minus Changmin."

"You should send my congratulations to Changmin next time you see him," Jaehyun says cheerily. 

"What for?" Younghoon asks the question cautiously but Chanhee is too busy winning an ugly-face staring contest with Jaehyun to share Younghoon's apprehension. 

"For the surgery," Jaehyun reminds them both. He blinks because his eyes sting but he isn't coming out of this a loser. "You know, when he managed to surgically remove himself from your hip, Chanhee."

"Ha ha, very funny." Chanhee rolls his eyes but even with that pause he is maybe too quick for Jaehyun. He immediately fires back, "Congratulations are in order for you too, right? You know, after you had your surgery to remove your knob from your head?" 

"Touché," Jaehyun allows. 

For all the sparring Chanhee indulges in with Jaehyun there is a resounding finality to the way Chanhee summons Younghoon from the gaming café. So Jaehyun is not — and will not ever be — invited to hang out with Chanhee and his cool friends. That's fine. Jaehyun is a big boy and he can survive knowing he isn't welcome on any Chanhee-curated trips. Jaehyun has other friends anyway who appreciate his superior visuals and intellect. 

Not really, but Juyeon is the sort of loyal friend who listens dutifully even though he isn't quite as smart as Younghoon pretends to be. 

"Why does it bother you so much that Sangyeon goes on lots of dates?" Juyeon asks. The problem with using Juyeon as a sounding board for rants is that he often misses the point of what Jaehyun is telling him. 

"He's not going on dates. He's making himself a bash and dash victim," Jaehyun explains sagely. "A normal person would learn after the first five times people ghosted after sleeping with him, but our Sangyeon is a glutton for punishment so he isn't going to stop meeting people on those dating apps."

"Don't you bash and dash though?" Juyeon asks. His brow is furrowed and he looks serious. Jaehyun should stop telling Juyeon things if his words will eventually be used against him like this when they're just two civilised guys chilling in a chicken restaurant, fifty centimetres apart because they're good friends. 

"Maybe," Jaehyun admits. "Not lately. And I never had to listen to any of those people blarting about it for all of eternity."

"Their friends probably had to."

"Wash your mouth out," Jaehyun instructs as he shoves his bottle of soju across the table. The swilling in the green glass shows the bottle is far to empty even for a less-than-generous cup but the point still stands. "Calling Sangyeon my friend. What kind of weirdo are you?" 

"You are friends though, aren't you?" 

Jaehyun squints across the table to be sure. The air in the restaurant isn't particularly steamy or dim. Jaehyun can see the man sitting across the table from him perfectly well. What he is seeing is the face of someone being sincere. Juyeon really is a fool. 

"No, we're not friends. He's just some guy I couldn't care less about."

"But you care enough to be concerned about his broken heart?" Juyeon clarifies. 

"Clean your ears out, Juyeon. I am concerned about the fact I have to hear about his broken heart. No more, no less."

Juyeon doesn't look convinced but Jaehyun knows a couple more bottles of 25% proof will remedy that. 

*

Jaehyun takes his time answering the phone because he's busy occupying himself by reading the sports pages on his news app and that takes priority over an annoying acquaintance on the train home. He rejects the call four times and he really hates Sangyeon’s persistence. He hadn't been able to read through one paragraph with the nuisance of a phone call flashing across the screen and throwing him out of the article in his app. 

The fifth phone call. He answers. 

"What do you want?" Jaehyun hisses through the phone. It isn't like any of the other commuters on the train would know who Jaehyun is speaking to but having to interact even as publicly as this has his back up. 

"Are you busy?" Sangyeon asks. 

Most would argue that Jaehyun is not busy. Just to be on the safe side he would like to know whether he should be busy. 

"Why don't you just tell me what you want first."

"I don't want to bother you."

"You're already bothering me," Jaehyun confirms. 

Sangyeon sighs on the other end of the phone, something wistful, something like the will of a wish he'd only ever tell to a flame. Or whatever Jaehyun probably counts as. "You should come over."

Already Jaehyun is calculating the diversion in his route and how long it would take him to reach the most annoying man in the world. He sags against the train wall and eyes the LED marquee indicating the next stop. In three more he'd make his connecting bus home. In one stop he'd be in Sangyeon’s neighbourhood and have a ten minute walk ahead. There's no clear winner in his options. 

"What's in it for me if I come over?" 

"Aside from the obvious?" Sangyeon hums and Jaehyun finds he can't remember when they agreed to stop pretending what this was. He finds he has been presented with an offer he can't refuse when Sangyeon says, "Not sure. Let me know when you get here."

It isn't convincing. Sangyeon isn't a convincing person at the best of times yet a full half hour hasn't had the chance to pass before Jaehyun is pinned against Sangyeon’s bedroom door. 

Sangyeon is attentive at times like this. He learnt quickly how fond Jaehyun is of being kissed all over, and it was just a quick process for him to find out how embarrassingly desperate Jaehyun can get from teasing grazes of teeth at his neck. Sangyeon takes his time with things, like he always does, and Jaehyun's patience runs down quickly enough that he might just explode if Sangyeon doesn't touch him properly. 

Just to drop a hint or two, Jaehyun reaches for Sangyeon’s hips to pull him close. It works. 

Sangyeon bites and licks his way down the column of Jaehyun’s throat as he struggles to unfasten the shirt in the way of him getting to the good part. Jaehyun assists in slipping buttons free of their holes but it still isn't quick enough for Sangyeon who tugs impatiently to expose Jaehyun's undershirt. 

Through the soft cotton of his undershirt, Sangyeon stroking over Jaehyun's nipples is already too much. Sangyeon grins before nipping with his teeth along Jaehyun's collarbone. It isn't fair, Jaehyun thinks, how Sangyeon has such extensive knowledge of how to illicit every reaction possible from Jaehyun's body, yet he is an idiot when it comes to everything else. 

The damp scratch of Jaehyun’s undershirt is a precarious point of focus as Sangyeon moves on to suckling patches of saliva across his chest. Like this, Jaehyun could almost convince himself that he is in for the treat of a lifetime, but he knows Sangyeon too well. Jaehyun knows when Sangyeon is distracted even if he is attempting to give them both what they need at the end of a long day. 

Jaehyun nudges Sangyeon away, sees the bewildered uncertainty in his eyes, and sighs. Being right all the time is tiring. 

"Whatever it is, do you want to talk about it?" Jaehyun asks reluctantly. "I wouldn't feel right knowing that you're upset." 

The expression on Sangyeon’s face tightens into resignation in an instant. "Would you hate me if I changed my mind about the whole hooking up thing?" 

Jaehyun sighs, kind of wants to headbutt the idiot in front of him. He definitely wants to hate Sangyeon for making him come all the way here with the promise of routine. Jaehyun considers this another routine but one that he enjoys far less. 

"Give me like, five minutes, okay?" Jaehyun says as he extracts himself from between Sangyeon and the door. He hasn't taken the first step towards the bathroom before Sangyeon makes a suggestion. 

"Do you want me to suck you off at least?" 

"I think I'll be alright," Jaehyun says. 

"I'll feel bad if I don't," Sangyeon says as he twists his fingers in Jaehyun's sleeve. Jaehyun still wants to refuse, to tell Sangyeon that he is obviously not into the idea at all, but he is met with a conspiratorial smirk which makes his protests die on his tongue. Jaehyun feels mostly like he is being led by the nose, but at a time like this he finds himself happy to follow. 

Despite being glad of the eager way Sangyeon pushes him down onto the bed and blows him, Jaehyun can't deny that Sangyeon is an idiot. 

Sangyeon is a self-described hopeless romantic, with every dating app Jaehyun has ever heard of installed on his phone. In fact there are several dating apps which Jaehyun is only aware of in the context of, "I have a date with Blah Blah from This App," or, "I keep going on That App to read my chatlogs with So-and-So." 

Sangyeon is irritating thus everything Jaehyun learns from him is also irritating. It takes a lot for Jaehyun to prepare himself to listen to the rubbish that Sangyeon would subject him to. But on this occasion the blowjob helps. 

Sangyeon is sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone and Jaehyun decides he isn't sufficiently prepared to listen to something which takes so much buildup from Sangyeon. Though it wouldn't be fair to refuse at this point. It is still routine, even if Jaehyun likes it far less than the routine he had expected, so he sits on the sofa and pauses the weirdly detailed cartoon on the TV. 

"Are you going to feed me?" Jaehyun asks. 

"I already ordered."

"Is Jacob going to be joining us?" 

"He's gone for the weekend," Sangyeon explains. 

"With Chanhee and the rest of the usuals, right?" 

"Yeah," Sangyeon says with a smile, easy, slow, like he's with any other friend. "They've been kicking up a fuss about it, haven't they?" 

Jaehyun supposes that might have been the case. He doesn't keep up with things like that when they don't concern him. He prefers looking over all the pictures after the fact and telling his friends he is glad they had a good time. He is usually busy with work anyway. But what good is an excuse like that when it only took some minor irritation from Sangyeon to get him (almost) into bed? 

Jaehyun would rather skip to the point instead of wasting time and looking like he has any favourites. 

"What's up with you?" Jaehyun asks. He knows Sangyeon isn't going to play silly beggars for too long. He isn't that annoying no matter what Jaehyun says. 

"I had a date two days ago," Sangyeon explains quietly. He starts to smile again like that is even close to what he should be doing. It's the smiling which gets Jaehyun's back up. 

"Who was it? Tell me how to find them and I will beat them up."

Sangyeon laughs, scratches his ear, says, "You don't even know what happened."

"You've bored me to tears with your blarting enough times for me to guess. If the date had gone well you would have called me for a quick shag and sent me on my way. Or you wouldn't have called me over at all," Jaehyun points out. He stretches out across the sofa and kicks his feet into Sangyeon’s lap. "I need to start teaching people lessons when they do this to you so I don't have to hear you complain ever again."

"Is it really that bad?" Sangyeon asks as he passes his phone over to Jaehyun. 

"You're asking me, the guy you booty-called and then cancelled on, whether listening to you complain is bad?" 

Sangyeon laughs at Jaehyun's question like this is any time for humour. Jaehyun looks down at the phone and wonders just how spirited Sangyeon is to be laughing after receiving the messages Jaehyun is currently reading. 

"'You can't complain about someone taking advantage of you when you're so easy,'" Jaehyun reads aloud. Sangyeon’s smile is tight-lipped and Jaehyun wonders how hearing something like this read back to him isn't making his blood boil. "So you ask if you're easy, I guess like some people would, and then… This isn't a serious reply, is it? _'You know what you're getting when you go on apps like this'._ Sangyeon, tell me you know this guy's address. I have to hurt him." 

Truthfully Jaehyun agrees with this awful person and has never himself turned to a dating app for a _'meaningful relationship with someone to grow old with'_ as Sangyeon has (and knowing Sangyeon’s bio verbatim stings at Jaehyun as a reminder that he has stumbled across Sangyeon’s account with awkward selfies and sappy bio and immediately swiped left. Of course he'd swipe left anyway because they're friends and it would be weird to swipe in any other direction at all, but he does feel bad every time he remembers how visceral his cringing was). Seeing his own opinions from the display picture of this smarmy idiot is rubbing Jaehyun up the wrong way. 

"I brought him back here because it was closer," Sangyeon says. He holds out his hand to take back his phone but Jaehyun hesitates in passing it over. There aren't many nice words on the screen right now and Jaehyun is in the process of using the words he is reading as fuel for his building rage. Sangyeon is more patient than usual and simply waits for Jaehyun to return the phone. So he does. 

"You're an idiot."

"I know."

"Don't go on another date unless I have vetted the person and checked they're not just going to bash and dash. At least that way if they turn out like this guy I will know how to track them down."

Sangyeon laughs. He thanks Jaehyun, and then announces their food will be with them within half an hour. 

It isn't really a joke to Jaehyun but he takes the change in subject as a silent agreement. They jump through a labyrinth of YouTube reviews of sound pads (which Jaehyun knows nothing about but Sangyeon assures him the identical boxes with translucent square buttons are all different), they eat once the food arrives, and then they end up sleeping together anyway. Jaehyun has a day off tomorrow so he might as well stay the whole night. 

*

"What would you do if someone told you that you're bad in bed?" Jaehyun asks. Jacob falters as he picks through the display rack of seeds. He smiles, a sort of awkward lopsided smile, and looks at Jaehyun expectantly. So Jaehyun adds, "This isn't about me, obviously. It is a friend. Someone told my friend he is bad in bed."

"Of course they did," Jacob says. Even if Jacob doesn't believe Jaehyun it actually is the truth. He'd been a bit too curious when he was with Sangyeon last weekend and had decided to scroll through the disparaging messages on a couple of other dating apps. If Jaehyun had received even one of the messages Sangyeon had he would delete every account he had on every site, app, and network in existence. But Sangyeon is something of a martyr or perhaps even a masochist because he continues hooking up with people and even asking them afterwards why they don't want to do anything a bit more permanent than one night. 

One person had replied with, _'u're terrible in bed lol'_ which Jaehyun has to disagree with. But he's not going to tell Sangyeon the truth that he's actually alright because… Well it isn't so much a case of worrying about inflating Sangyeon’s ego and is more the fact that Jaehyun simply doesn't want to say it. Not to Sangyeon anyway. 

"You're making me help out with your grandparents' garden for free so the least you could do is listen to this issue I found out my friend is having," Jaehyun says. He even gestures to the flat trolley stacked with bags of horse manure and peat which he is pushing around the garden centre whilst Jacob is laden with the tremendous burden of a pinwheel. 

"I guess you're right," Jacob allows. Then he drops a packet of seeds and waves the pinwheel in Jaehyun's face. "So this friend, is he good in bed?" 

"Of course he is. That's why it is such an issue that he has been told otherwise."

"If you're friends how would you know how good he is in bed?" Jacob asks. 

Jaehyun isn't really sure of the question. He considers a scenario in which Jacob really doesn't have a clue that Jaehyun and Sangyeon hook up sometimes but Jacob is too astute for that. Also they have definitely hooked up when Jacob has returned home earlier than expected. Jacob isn't an idiot. 

But this is turning out to be another thing Jaehyun doesn't want to say. "Hypothetically there is no way this friend could be bad in bed. Just take my word for it, please."

"I'd say your friend thinks pretty highly of himself," Jacob says with a shrug. It probably isn't true because anyone who thought anything about their efficacy wouldn't be sucking up to people who turn around and say horrible things to him after they have had what they wanted. Of course it doesn't matter because Jacob isn't even talking about Sangyeon. And Jaehyun has earnt the right to think highly of himself. 

"There's nothing wrong with having confidence," Jaehyun says. He gives the trolley a big shove to prove just how powerful self-confidence can be. Jacob doesn't quite manage to intercept it before it crashes into an idle trolley packed with potted plants. 

Jaehyun doesn't exactly get to sound out this problem with Jacob because they have to rescue the plants as best they can by scooping up spilled soil and checking for fractures in the terracotta. Jacob likely wasn't going to be much help anyway but some level of assurance would have been better than Jaehyun going with his instincts on a way to fix things for a person he didn't hate. 

*

Jaehyun invites Sangyeon over at the end of the week. He's a gentleman unlike some people so he gives Sangyeon more than three minutes to think it over. It isn't until Saturday morning that Sangyeon asks what time he should come over. 

Jaehyun had been expecting Sangyeon to say yes but was sort of waiting for confirmation before convincing Haknyeon to maybe get a life and by the time Sangyeon sends the message, Haknyeon is well and truly fused to the sofa in the living room. He also seems to have grown a winter coat which is pink and fuzzy and is probably the pig onesie that Jaehyun brought him for a joke last Christmas.

Jaehyun turns to Haknyeon calmly, like a totally reasonable and rational person. "Is there a reason you unplugged the vacuum cleaner?" 

"Obviously!" Haknyeon says as he brushes more cheese puff crumbs from his lap to the recently vacuumed carpet. "I'm trying to watch TV!" 

Jaehyun takes a breath. He's calm. He can explain his point well. "We're having a guest over and I would like it if the place didn't look like a pig sty."

"Why does it matter?" Haknyeon grumbles. "It's only Sangyeon. Sangyeon isn't a real guest and you won't even be in the living room. Go and clean up that hovel you call a bedroom before disturbing me!" 

"Hovel," Jaehyun repeats, disbelieving. He's going to fight Haknyeon for real one of these days

He has already tidied his room, twice already, but he is still on edge. He thinks it is just because he is planning on being underhanded. But it is for Sangyeon’s own good! 

Jaehyun checks his alleged hovel of a bedroom for a third time and wonders whether it would be worth rearranging the entire room. To remove the urge to do so, Jaehyun decides to go out. They might need something to eat seeing as Haknyeon is so determined to convert all the food they have into crumbs. 

Jaehyun thinks it is terribly convenient that he bumps into Sangyeon on the way back from the shops. 

"Do you need help carrying those bags?" Sangyeon asks. He grabs one without waiting for an answer. It is so typically 'Sangyeon' of him that Jaehyun can't be too annoyed over it. The behaviour is what he expects so they walk back together. 

"If you were going to be running errands you should have told me to come by later."

"But then I'd have to carry everything by myself," Jaehyun says. Sangyeon laughs, tells Jaehyun he is funny, and then talks about how boring his week has been. 

Sangyeon isn't especially boring, not really, but Jaehyun tells Sangyeon that he is and then Sangyeon asks Jaehyun to impress him with his own interesting stories. Jaehyun doesn't have any interesting stories, not without the context of knowing all the same annoying people that Jaehyun works with. Haknyeon apparently has lots of interesting stories. 

"I thought Sangyeon wasn't a real guest," Jaehyun hisses when Sangyeon pops to the toilet for a break from Haknyeon's outlandish tales. 

"He's not a real guest," Haknyeon asserts. 

"Yet you're doing so much to impress him."

"He's cool," Haknyeon pouts. "I like him. You know, when you're not attached to each other's faces."

"You've only seen us kiss like twice or something. And that is because you never knock."

"Yeah, I learnt my lesson, thanks." Haknyeon sounds way too sad for someone who has never learnt a lesson in his life and didn't even knock when he barged in on Jaehyun taking a shit this morning and proceeded to complain that they had run out of air freshener. "Can't you warn me when you're going to do boyfriend things together?" 

"I beg your pardon?" 

"If you gave me some warning I could make myself scarce and then it wouldn't be an issue when you do boyfriend things together. Better yet, just do it at Sangyeon’s so I don't need to know about it!" 

Haknyeon really sounds proud of himself until Jaehyun must sit on him to make him shut up. "He's not my boyfriend, idiot. And I asked you to go somewhere else this morning but you kept ignoring me."

Jaehyun might be barely containing his rage behind his teeth because Sangyeon could return at any time, but he knows how unreasonable he sounds. Crushing a dear friend like this until they can't breathe isn't the most mature reaction. Jaehyun can admit that which proves how mature he is. Haknyeon, on the other hand, is a dumb baby who won't stop squealing. 

"I am going to tell Sangyeon to dump you! He'll do it! He's nice to me!" 

"He can't dump me because he's not my boyfriend, idiot." 

Haknyeon doesn't have a retort for that, which is lucky. It means he can't say anything else before Sangyeon returns to put the least amount of effort possible into rescuing Haknyeon. 

"You two are so annoying," Haknyeon sulks. 

"Yeah," Sangyeon agrees unhelpfully. "I will treat you to something nice next week to make up for annoying you."

"Oh," Haknyeon days, pinking with pleasure. "Thank you."

"But I assume Jaehyun will have to do a lot more seeing as you have to put up with him all the time."

"Yeah!" Haknyeon says, spirited by Sangyeon throwing Jaehyun under the bus so gracelessly. "He's awful!" 

Jaehyun is most definitely not awful. He's a good man. Anybody could vouch for him aside from the two people in his living room. Unfortunately there isn't a third person to support Jaehyun's claims. So he's stuck listening to all the awful things he allegedly does to annoy his actually awful flatmate. 

Eventually a miracle occurs. Jaehyun really can't believe it as it happens but all the insults about his character eventually end and Haknyeon announces he has plans. Jaehyun doesn't really care about Haknyeon's plans and is more impressed that the sofa troll has decided to remove himself. Sangyeon, on the other hand, is more impressed with Haknyeon's bashful departing words of, "I am meeting a _girl_."

Upon Haknyeon's overdue exit it is time to set the scene. Jaehyun mutes the TV and makes sure it is switched over to the news as it is a fairly bright channel, he puts his romantic playlist on shuffle and props his phone next to the TV before slinking seductively over to the sofa and reclining beside Sangyeon. For all the effort, Sangyeon just laughs. 

"Through the night?" 

"Is there anyone out there who can do what IU does?" 

_"Yes,_ " is Sangyeon’s emphatic reply. He gears up to list off artists but Jaehyun has no time for it. 

"Let's just get to it now that Hak has finally gone."

Jaehyun holds his hand against Sangyeon’s cheek and guides him closer for a kiss. There is nothing more phenomenal than kissing someone with IU's sherbet sweet vocals as background music. Jaehyun would know, he has kissed many people to an array of sounds and he knows for certain what is the best. And kissing Sangyeon like this is one of Jaehyun’s favourites. 

"Who is the girl?" Sangyeon asks against Jaehyun's neck. 

"What? You mean Haknyeon's girl? It literally doesn't matter," Jaehyun replies. It really doesn't matter. Jaehyun would have taken any excuse at all as long as they didn't have to worry about Haknyeon barging in to ask who used up all his hot sauce (particularly irritating when the answer turned out to be Haknyeon himself), or Haknyeon banging on the wall and yelling that he needs to pop out so someone needs to be available and fully-clothed if his package arrives. 

They order takeout and Sangyeon offers to clean up. It is only the impression of an offer and it is all forgotten when Jaehyun presses Sangyeon against the counter and asks if he's ready to go to bed. 

*

"Are you mad at me?" Jaehyun asks as he is sprawled out across one half of his bed, bone tired and ready to never move again (not even if Sangyeon asks nicely). 

"What do you mean?" 

Jaehyun glares over his shoulder at Sangyeon for a moment and slumps down on his pillow. He really doesn't have the energy for this. Jaehyun waits for realisation to strike and eventually he hears Sangyeon laugh, little huffs of disbelief before he stretches along Jaehyun's back and kisses the clammy cool of his shoulder. 

Jaehyun will get up soon but he needs a minute or so. Maybe ten. 

"Are you alright?" Sangyeon asks. 

Jaehyun shrugs. "I thought you were trying to break me in half."

"Sorry," Sangyeon says, sweet, like he might mean it. He leans over Jaehyun to place his phone on the bedside table and drops a quick peck on Jaehyun's cheek before he climbs out of bed. "I'll be back in a minute."

Jaehyun waits for Sangyeon’s footfalls on the carpet to fade into the hallway as he goes to maybe fetch a washcloth from the airing cupboard. Jaehyun hopes that, as is the usual routine, Sangyeon will be distracted by leftovers in the kitchen, and maybe even a quick sort through the t-shirts drying on the hall radiator to finally use as evidence that Jaehyun is stealing his clothes. Sangyeon generally takes his time and Jaehyun wants to capitalise on that. 

Because Sangyeon is totally irresponsible, he doesn't have a passcode on his phone. Jaehyun's task is easy. He changes the passwords on as many of Sangyeon’s dating apps as he can. And because he has the chance after deleting the trail of emails he even deactivates a couple. Time eventually runs out and Sangyeon’s gait sounds like he is carrying a few things so Jaehyun quickly closes all the background apps and opens up a game. 

"You still haven't beaten my score on Subway Surfers," Jaehyun calls just before Sangyeon returns. As expected he is carrying far more than what he must have set out to. He tosses a dry flannel at Jaehyun and makes himself comfortable on the bed. After a swig from the bottle of cherry coke zero, he thumps his chest. 

"What are you doing?" He asks. 

"Being disappointed in you," Jaehyun says idly. 

"Why can't you play that on your own phone?" 

"What if someone with standards goes through my phone? Do you think I want them to associate me with time wasting like this?" 

Sangyeon laughs, finally bursts the burp he had been knocking out of his chest with his fist. "If someone had standards I don't think they'd be nosing through your phone on the first date." 

"You'd be surprised," Jaehyun says as his player on the screen is flattened by a train. He twists to look over his shoulder to see Sangyeon stuffing his face with as much food from the plate he bought in as possible. Jaehyun is beginning to wonder what happened to his own standards. 

* 

Things get a bit iffy from there. It doesn't take Sangyeon long to work out what is happening with his accounts. He initially confides (to Jacob if Kevin's sources are as reliable as he claims) that he thinks he has been hacked. An email a few days after the initial discovery plants the blame well and truly with Jaehyun. 

The smart thing to do would have been to change the email accounts linked to Sangyeon’s dating apps in addition to the passwords but he hadn't the benefit of hindsight at the time of his brilliant plan. Naturally, the deactivation email that lands in his inbox is enough for Sangyeon to come to the realisation (by way of some astute advice from Jacob) that someone within the past week or so might have taken advantage of the fact Sangyeon is an idiot without a passcode on his phone. Without any concrete proof, Sangyeon accuses Jaehyun. 

Not that he really needs the proof seeing as Jaehyun is the obvious culprit. It is simply that, when challenged, he refuses to admit it. And Jaehyun finally understands the warning to be careful what you wish for. He doesn't need to hear Sangyeon complaining about people on dating apps wanting to hook up and nothing more. 

"Don't you think it is ironic that you've been complaining about having to listen to Sangyeon talk about his tragic love life yet you never stop complaining to the rest of us about having to listen to that complaining?" Sunwoo asks as he and Chanhee scroll through the selfies they had taken whilst shopping. Apparently Sunwoo's apprenticeship is going well because he even points out a picture where the framing cuts off Chanhee's expensive belt so it gets vetoed. 

Jaehyun probably hates Sunwoo. He doesn't think it is ironic. He doesn't care that Sunwoo is trying to be smart. He just wants someone to feel sorry for him and tell him what to do. He had been sure Jacob or Younghoon could be the answer but Jaehyun was dragged on a day out with both them and also Changmin, and the two most annoying people in the world Sunwoo and Chanhee. So his hopes of someone bestowing him with an easy answer are quickly depleting. 

"Why would you go through Sangyeon’s phone at all?" Changmin asks. Jaehyun must be kind. Changmin only knows half the context that the others do and even then Jaehyun doesn't fancy checking to see how many people know he and Sangyeon have been rattling each other's bones. So he goes with an answer which might be acceptable. 

"I care about his feelings or something."

"Or something," Jacob repeats. It is redundant because Jaehyun knows what he said. Or something. 

Changmin's chin wrinkles with his pout as he asks, "So are you friends now if you care about Sangyeon’s feelings?" 

Jaehyun doesn't have anything against Changmin, it is just that he doesn't have time for Changmin to hum and coo and pretend he understands. Thank goodness for Chanhee to get him up to speed. 

"How can they be friends if Sangyeon told Jaehyun that he never wanted to see him again?" 

"Hmm. Long distance friends!" Changmin suggests. 

The thing is, Jaehyun hasn't told anyone what Sangyeon said to him, only alluded to the truth he hadn't wanted to admit in a very glum voice. Either Chanhee is sharper than Jaehyun gives him credit for or somebody (Jacob) has been blabbing. Jacob has been awfully quiet when he should have been helpful. The pointed comments from him are coming across a shade too snide and sardonic. So he probably knows the most out of everyone here. There's no way Jacob, of all people, would stir things up. 

"Have you tried apologising?" Younghoon asks. He's kind enough to shush Chanhee but even that probably isn't enough. 

"I haven't." 

"That's the most basic thing," Chanhee says crossly. "Why are you wasting all of our time if you can't even use your own brain to consider apologising?"

Jaehyun wants to laugh but he also wants to punt Chanhee across the room. He manages to refrain from both. "How am I supposed to apologise to someone who won't even let me talk to them, idiot?" 

"He'd listen to you if you were one of those bash and dash bastards," Sunwoo says. Jacob manages to intercept the napkin dispenser before Jaehyun throws it at Sunwoo's head and apparently that is enough for everyone to get mad at Jaehyun for being violent in his emotionally compromised state. 

*

Unfortunately for Jaehyun, all he has is Sunwoo's sarcastic suggestion. It is an incredibly stupid suggestion and, beyond the initial deception of getting Sangyeon to listen to him, going through with it will certainly make things worse. But as two weeks elapse and begin to become three, Jaehyun is really smarting over the situation. 

Jaehyun gives Haknyeon the passwords to Sangyeon’s accounts (and doesn't mention that he has pettily been swiping left on every potential match - they're all liars and crooks and will undoubtedly break Sangyeon’s heart) because, coming from anyone else, Sangyeon might think Jaehyun was forced into it. But Haknyeon is a bit soft so he'd never try to force something like that. 

"He said thank you," Haknyeon reports back after an afternoon of whatever he and Sangyeon both find fun (which is probably what Haknyeon finds fun and whatever Sangyeon can tolerate). Haknyeon passes his phone to Jaehyun. "He also sent me this text right after dropping me back."

The message is crude yet almost flowery in the length of metaphor. Jaehyun grins. "This message is for me."

"I hoped so," Haknyeon says. "I thought he was mad at me too. Eric came out with us so I thought Sangyeon didn't want to be mean to me in front Eric."

"He still loves you," Jaehyun says confidently. He even claps his hand on Haknyeon's shoulder and knocks a smile out of him. "Thank you for today."

Haknyeon is brimming with pride as he tells Jaehyun it was no trouble - a complete change from how loud and lengthy his protests had been at the prospect of Jaehyun forcing him to get involved. 

* 

Jaehyun commits fully to his plan (the intelligence-deficient jibe delivered by Sunwoo) because he sort of misses Sangyeon. It isn't even the hooking up he misses. Somehow the lack of Sangyeon in Jaehyun's life clues him into the fact that they were sort of alright as friends and that is enough fuel for his newfound dogged determination. 

Jaehyun had surveyed his friends, asked who the best looking person they knew was (Younghoon and Juyeon tied for first place, and not even Hyunjun provided a boost in ego by naming Jaehyun) and that proved to be a wasted effort. So Jaehyun had to do his own search of people Sangyeon didn't know in order to find a face for the voice which would get him back into Sangyeon’s good books. 

In short, Jaehyun catfishes Sangyeon. It isn't that difficult; Sangyeon would fall for any insincere words about wanting a relationship and, from Jaehyun's research nosing around Sangyeon’s matches past and present, he has absolutely no taste when it comes to physical attractiveness. Jaehyun is almost offended that Sangyeon is so interested in bland and ugly Mcdonald's matches and only uses his Michelin-starred prime steak friend as a back-up for hook-ups. But Jaehyun doesn't think he is allowed to be offended when he has an entire planet of boring and ugly average-Joes to pick from to deceive his friend. 

Sangyeon makes it too easy, or he is a complete idiot. He matches with the first fake profile Jaehyun makes - he doesn't even really use a fake name because the one he has is common enough that it could be the name of the generic looking guy whose pictures he is borrowing. 

Jaehyun would like to think the bio he crafted after entire minutes of thinking very hard helped his case. 

_'If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put uaena together. Failing that, I want a companion forever.'_

Perfection, even if Jaehyun does say so himself. 

Maybe things start to go to Jaehyun's head. His grafting works out even better than he had thought it would. But maybe this is all just a result of Sangyeon being a hopeless sap. Sangyeon eventually eases into a routine of telling Jaehyun (the fake Jaehyun of course) all about his boring day and confiding things which Jaehyun (the real one) wouldn't dream of telling a faceless stranger on the internet. 

Jaehyun wakes up in the morning to the dwindling messages from the night before along with 'sleep well's and 'good morning's. It is nice. Jaehyun likes the steadiness of it all. Sangyeon is a man of routine and Jaehyun quite likes the assurance that Sangyeon is using up his time talking to him rather than wasting it on all the idiots from before. 

Jaehyun even asks one day, on the way to work, because he is exhausted and feels impatient. And he manages to have an incredibly good day on the back of the admission, _'you're the only one I am talking to, Jaehyun. Nobody else is like you.'_

Talking to Sangyeon like this almost feels dangerous. He had initially worried about slipping up but Sangyeon is either a lot stupider than first assumed, or he is letting Jaehyun get away with a lot. 

_'Do I really talk about my friends that much?'_ Sangyeon ponders when Jaehyun refers to Hyunjun, Sunwoo, and Eric as 'the kids' even though such a moniker had never been mentioned to the fake Jaehyun. 

_'Sorry, I must not have been paying attention when you mentioned you had a sister too,'_ is the response to yet another contextual slip on Jaehyun's part. 

_'Even though I am disappointed that we can't talk, I think my heart would burst if I heard your voice and knew you were real,'_ is the latest in a string of responses to Jaehyun's impotent excuses for not being able to even talk on the phone. 

_'Even though we haven't met I feel closer to you than anyone else,_ ' Sangyeon tells the fake Jaehyun after only two weeks of constant messaging. 

_'I go to that comic café a lot too,'_ Sangyeon tells Jaehyun in response to learning that Jaehyun likes to catch up on comics he fell out of reading as a teenager. _'It is a nice place to go to think. It is weird how we know so many of the same places but I don't think I have seen you there.'_

 _'Would you stop talking to me if I told you I was falling for you?'_ is how Sangyeon starts one morning. Jaehyun can't blame himself for a slip up in the wake of a message like that. He doesn't hesitate to tell Sangyeon that he only would if he didn't feel the same. The message that follows rings like a test but he's too afraid to fail to answer right away. 

There is no hesitation when Sangyeon tells the fake Jaehyun that he likes him. A lot. Too much. Jaehyun finds himself hating the fake Jaehyun. He hates everyone who has found it so easy to coax words like this out of Sangyeon. It shouldn't be like this. Sangyeon’s heart shouldn't be so exposed. 

Seeing how easily Sangyeon reveals parts of himself to strangers has Jaehyun wavering in his intentions. Sangyeon had never told him just how much he wanted to find someone perfect to settle down with. Jaehyun had suspected, but he hadn't been told in terms of such bare vulnerability. 

Jaehyun wants to ask why Sangyeon would think that fake Jaehyun could be that perfect person to settle down with, he wants to ask how many other people Sangyeon had told things like this before. 

Jaehyun can't ask, but he can't help but wonder about so many other things. Who else has he tried too hard to make laugh, to whomever else has he admitted his own shortcomings, who else has been a person Sangyeon could ask to be a person who is happy just for knowing him? 

"I don't think I want to do this anymore," Jaehyun tells Haknyeon when he arrives home after work. There had been a lot of traffic on the commute home and that ended up being excuse enough for Jaehyun to pass the time messaging Sangyeon about nothing at all. Except nothing became a big massive pathetic something, and it turns out Sangyeon is lonely. 

_'I wish I could see you,'_ Sangyeon said. Jaehyun had closed the conversation and pretended he could distract himself with anything else. 

Jaehyun hadn't been able to distract himself and had to trudge home under the glum realisation that what he is doing is, in a word, shitty. 

"What's up?" Haknyeon asks. He shoves a baton of garlic bread in Jaehyun's face. Somehow that doesn't help. 

"What am I doing, Hak?" Jaehyun asks. "I am doing all this and Sangyeon is finally talking to me but what now? Am I supposed to apologise to him after doing all of this? He wants to see me, what do I say to that?" 

Haknyeon looks thoughtful as he stirs the pot in the cooker. Then he says, "Hasn't he told you he's in love with you? You know, _Jaehyun_."

"Yeah," Jaehyun says, because even if seeing the words annoyed him (Sangyeon was an idiot saying something like that to someone he doesn't know, someone who isn't real) they were something Jaehyun had to read and decide whether the Jaehyun character would reciprocate. Either the words would be a true reflection of what this character felt for Sangyeon or the false Jaehyun was low enough to say them without meaning. Jaehyun hadn't decided by the time he had sent the words back and received an essay back from Sangyeon about how meeting someone like Jaehyun meant so much after all this time. 

Haknyeon plants his hands on his hips and glares at Jaehyun. "How stupid are you? He just happened to tell your stupid catfish with the same name as you that he loves them. I wouldn't be able to date anyone with the same name as a friend or a family member. He knows it is you! Go to him. Run across the beach in slow motion and kiss in the rain!"

Haknyeon is spirited about this to the extent that Jaehyun realises it must be true. And he doesn't know how he (the actual bona-fide) Jaehyun should feel about that either. Sangyeon is a friend. Sort of. Even if it was ambiguous Jaehyun had an idea of where he stood. Right now Jaehyun can't be certain of any timid shuffles. 

"Do you think I should meet him?" Jaehyun asks. 

"You're asking me for advice?" Haknyeon's eyes sparkle with glee and Jaehyun maybe already regrets asking this of Haknyeon. He should pretend this never happened and ask a friend who wouldn't allow Sunwoo to make fun of him on a daily basis. 

"Before I decide whether I am asking you, what do you think I should do?" 

"That doesn't make any sense!" Haknyeon sings as he throws his arms around Jaehyun's neck. "But absolutely! It would be so cool if you and Sangyeon got married. Then you could adopt me and be as nice to me as you are to Eric or even Hyunjun. I will get to be the third favourite instead of Sunwoo."

Subterranean aspirations aside, it is something to think about. 

Until Jaehyun sees Sangyeon's face at the place they planned to meet on an autumn morning. His hopeful smile drops and turns as solid and cold as the granite of the fountain he is sitting on to wait. And even if it is something Jaehyun would want to avoid he walks right up to Sangyeon. 

"Hi," Jaehyun says. "Long time no see."

"You really have the worst timing," Sangyeon scoffs. He can't quite manage to muster up scorn and Jaehyun pretends that he doesn't care as he sits beside Sangyeon. 

"I don't think I would say that," Jaehyun says. "Are you still mad at me? I have wanted to apologise for a while but I didn't know how."

"Most people would say sorry," Sangyeon grumbles. 

"Would you have listened to me? Or would you have thrown that back in my face without giving me a chance?" 

"It's like you're trying to ruin my day," Sangyeon sighs. He stretches his legs ahead of him and scuffs his shoes on the concrete path as he huddles closer in his coat. But he doesn't look like he is too mad at the minute. "Alright. I suppose I can't be totally angry with you. I started being a bit pickier after I got my accounts back. And I met someone, so maybe things worked out for the best."

Sangyeon is smiling. Jaehyun wishes the pang in his chest was for his own pricks of pain rather than knowing that he can't keep letting Sangyeon smile over nothing. 

"Please, don't," Jaehyun whispers. 

"We haven't even met yet. But if I can find someone I know you can too. We're getting to that point where we probably should think about settling down," Sangyeon says. It is weird hearing words like this, with Sangyeon pronouncing them proudly. He deserves better friends than Jaehyun but in this moment, Jaehyun wishes that Sangyeon wouldn't ever reach a conclusion like that himself. Because Sangyeon is worth so much more than the grafting and scrounging Jaehyun has done to weasel his way to an apology. If Sangyeon realises that for himself, finds someone better than Jaehyun (both the real one and the fake one), then there aren't any amount of excuses that could be used to keep him close. 

They're barely friends and already they've been going through the motions without the benefits. Sangyeon could find someone else to hook up with, or even make love to, and Jaehyun wouldn't even have that. Sangyeon could find someone to be too quickly domestic with, someone who wouldn't mind playing the part of a surrogate parent to help spoil younger friends rotten, and Jaehyun wouldn't have a shadow of an excuse to waste his time and spend his kindness. 

"Sangyeon, do you forgive me for locking you out of your accounts?" Jaehyun asks. He wants this bit of selfishness to be indulged. Sangyeon simply shrugs. 

"I don't think I trust you the same way I used to. But we live and move on. I'll say I have forgiven you." The smile he turns on Jaehyun is the nice kind. There's hope and the comfort of sharing a moment with someone reliable. 

And that's how Jaehyun knows. 

Haknyeon was wrong, because Sangyeon is sharing a secret, confessing something he isn't ready to share with friends who don't know him quite as intimately as Jaehyun does. Sangyeon wants to tell Jaehyun first, that he's happy, that he doesn't need Jaehyun anymore, but Jaehyun is going to be the one to take that away from him. So he savours the sight of this smile for a second longer. 

"There's something else I need to apologise for but I don't think you will ever be able to forgive me."

Sangyeon furrows his brows - not too deep, not too concerned - and asks, "Do you have to do it now? I am actually meeting someone here today. But tomorrow, or whenever, we can just hang out. Whatever you did can't be that bad."

"I'm Jaehyun." The words spill from Jaehyun's lips and then they sit in the air for a moment. Sangyeon looks confused but he still chuckles. Jaehyun can't tell whether he and Haknyeon had given him too much credit. To be sure, he says, "Your Jaehyun. The Jaehyun you love."

"Oh."

"I know it doesn't mean anything to you at the minute, but I am so sorry."

Sangyeon nods and slaps his hands on his kneecaps. "You're right. I have things to do."

Sangyeon had even told Jaehyun about the things he had put off and rescheduled for today. Even without knowing that, the excuse is weak. But Jaehyun can't fault Sangyeon for wanting a quick escape. 

All the same Jaehyun doesn't want to leave him alone like this. He's less considerate than he ought to be when moving through irritatingly pedestrian strolls along the pavement as he follows Sangyeon to one of his favourite car parks (which is nothing more than a sketchy plot of concreted land where a building maybe used to stand on the outskirts of the shopping district).

As expected, Sangyeon is parked as shoddily as everyone else who would go through efforts like this to dodge paying for parking. Jaehyun probably should have anticipated the difficulty Sangyeon would have when unlocking his car with trembling hands. 

"You can't be thinking of driving in this state."

Sangyeon whips around and when his eyes land on Jaehyun his shoulders sag and he hisses something resigned under his breath. Jaehyun decides there isn't much point in retaining the distance. He shuffles between the cars that separate them and slips Sangyeon’s car key from his hand. 

"Please leave me alone. After everything you've done can't you at least do that?" Sangyeon asks, a desperate smile possessing his countenance as he sniffs away any trace of his true emotion. 

"I can't. Sorry."

"What's the point in apologising if you're going to make fun of me this much."

"I really am sorry," Jaehyun says. Sangyeon snorts in disbelief. 

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Sangyeon asks. His voice drops low and Jaehyun can appreciate that Sangyeon only leans closer for the illusion of privacy rather than any desire to be close. "I thought we were friends, and I confided in you for so much stupid stuff but I wish you could have just told me that you didn't want to be that sort of friend to me."

Words stick in Jaehyun's throat. He had spent so long bending over backwards to claim anything but friendship with Sangyeon and now it looks as though he doesn't even have that with Sangyeon. At least, that is what Sangyeon seems to believe. 

"I get it," Sangyeon says to Jaehyun's silence. "You're sick of hearing me complain about how nobody really wants me. You won't need to hear it anymore, alright? So you've come here to bother me even more with your stupid apology when you maybe don't even know what you've done wrong, but it is pointless. So I am telling you that you have what you want now. You won't need to listen to me complain like that again."

Sangyeon tries to snatch his key back from Jaehyun's grip but he can't have it back. He can't. 

"Just because I won't have to hear it anymore, it doesn't mean it won't be happening," Jaehyun says. 

"You don't have any right to care about that anymore. Not after what you've done." Sangyeon is shaking his head, looking like he is done, but more words spill out. "Like, it doesn't feel great that so many people have just told me what I want to hear just so they can get yet another idiot to have sex with them, but eventually I can get over that and try again. You. How can someone like you, someone who should know exactly how this is wearing me down, play with my feelings like that? Do you want me to feel like even more of an idiot because I should have known that, behind all of those words that I was so desperate to hear, you were making fun of me? Because maybe I am stupid, and I should have expected it to be you when you didn't even use a fake name, but that's just spiteful. It's—"

The babbling flow drains to the hard stone of determination. So Sangyeon isn't going to let Jaehyun see him cry, but that much isn't going to fix anything. 

Jaehyun doesn't want to see Sangyeon cry but he wants that to be because Sangyeon has no reason to cry, not because he wants to hide his tears from Jaehyun. 

He wants someone to love him. 

"I wasn't doing it to make fun of you," Jaehyun says. He clears his throat of the gruffness that scrapes his insides. "I don't want you to have to feel anything like this."

"Don't." It is all Sangyeon can manage as he plants his hand on Jaehyun's chest to buffet him away. And Jaehyun gets it, he knows why Sangyeon doesn't want him any closer, but he can't hand over the car key. 

"I know you don't want me to be around, but I don't feel right leaving you like this," Jaehyun says. Mostly he just wishes he could say what he is thinking (even better than that would be to understand his own thoughts behind careless actions) to try to explain them away. But he doesn't even have that much. And he's just some horrible guy who has upset Sangyeon more than people who don't care about him. "Do you want me to call Jacob to come and pick you up?" 

"I'm fine," Sangyeon says. His jaw is set and he manages to look steady all over again. "I don't need you to do anything for me. Just give me my key."

And Jaehyun hands over the key because he doesn't see how things could get much worse. 

*

Jaehyun had expected to be blocked. But he had more than one account and no amount of searching matched him up with Sangyeon again. Being totally cut off from Sangyeon is novel but Jaehyun hates it. 

"Has Sangyeon said anything about me?" Jaehyun asks Jacob after several days of begging him to come over. 

Hyunjun and Eric are over too but mostly so that Haknyeon can brag about his fake girlfriend. Jaehyun has been struggling to choose his moments to pick Jacob's brains seeing as Eric is desperate to prove he can handle hearing 'grown up talk'. Jaehyun is sure Eric would be able to handle Jacob's euphemism just fine but he also doesn't think Eric would treat him like a reliable older brother ever again if he knew what Jaehyun had done. 

Jacob shrugs. He says, "I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"The truth, please."

Jacob hesitates. "I could, but I also think you'll have a breakdown if you find out."

"So he hasn't said a single word about me?" 

Jacob sighs and swigs his beer. "You're an idiot, you know that, right? He has been saying lots of things about you. Mostly about how much he hates you and you ruined his life. Only when he gets really drunk at home though."

Jaehyun takes his phone from his pocket and shows the screen to Jacob. The screen is blank because it is still locked, but it is for demonstrative purposes only. "Where are my drunk texts? He hasn't told me he hates me or loves me or anything."

"I confiscated his phone. He's getting drunk alone tonight too," Jacob says. 

Jaehyun doesn't think he is quite above begging. "Please give Sangyeon his phone back. I want him to make me miserable by telling me how much he hates me. Let him say awful things so I cry and tell him I love him."

Jacob doesn't cringe too outwardly as he pushes Jaehyun's prostrate form away from his feet. "I can't let any of that happen."

Jaehyun, after rolling away from Jacob's feet like the miserable beetle he is, stares at the ceiling. He sighs but the exhale lasts until he has nothing left inside him. "What do I do? Tell me, Jacob."

"You love Sangyeon?" 

Jaehyun rolls upright but reacting doesn't change the fact. Eric creeps into the living room and crouches in front of Jaehyun. Eric asks, "Have you told him?" 

"You can't say anything," Jaehyun says quickly. He can hardly hear himself over the rushing of distant panic in his ears. He needs to take it back before the universe punishes him for this too. "I didn't mean it. The words just came out."

Eric gives Jaehyun a long, hard stare. And then he looks up at Jacob. 

"You heard him say it, didn't you?" Eric asks very seriously. "You heard Jaehyun say he loves Sangyeon, didn't you?"

Jacob doesn't say anything for a moment, takes at least a second to register the panic in Jaehyun's eyes as he silently begs for a lie to save him. The second is enough and Jacob smiles at Eric. "I think when you're older you will understand why Jaehyun said it."

"When I'm older?" Eric asks. He has his hands on his chest as he looks between Jacob and Jaehyun, like he needs to be sure which of them is the right age before he goes on. "When you were my age you're saying you didn't understand the things that you do now? I'm sorry to ask but what have you done in three years which makes you so much smarter than me?" 

Jaehyun hasn't done anything good in three years. He has pretended to be the nurturing sort of friend who has the right to look after others, and he has pretended that he doesn't want much more than casual flings, and he has pretended that he knows what sort of happiness is worth chasing. But this current impression of happiness isn't fooling anyone. But he still has to try. 

"It isn't about being smarter," Jaehyun says, "Just take our word for why you won't understand."

Eric laughs humourlessly. Jaehyun can't say he is a fan of this new perspective and seeing Eric high above. "Three years ago, you were sleeping with anything that moved," Eric points out. "I am not trying to be judgemental, but that's the truth. Maybe it is because you never got that close to anyone but you need to realise that people like to know when they're loved. Sangyeon would like to know."

Jaehyun can hear what Eric is saying but he can't possibly follow the advice of someone he still considers to be a baby. 

"Don't say anything like that to Sangyeon," Jaehyun says quietly. He doesn't make Eric promise because holding him to that would likely have the opposite effect. He only hopes Eric might understand him and keep quiet because he's the sort of good person who might protect a friend. 

*

Usually, Sunwoo pretends he has never even heard of Jaehyun when they're at work. Sunwoo works on the floor below Jaehyun after Jaehyun asked a favour of a department he knew to be struggling to retain workers. Sometimes they catch each other on the stairs, or in the canteen, or even when Jaehyun needs to ask for help from the training team, and every time Sunwoo would only offer the briefest of acknowledgements. Unless he had forgotten to bring money for lunch. 

Jaehyun rolls his eyes at the text but immediately replies to ask when to expect him to come up for the money. By all rights, alarm bells should have been ringing violently when Sunwoo suggests they have lunch together. 

Jacob is waiting for them both in the canteen when Jaehyun has paid for their food. 

"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun asks when they reach the table where he is sitting. Jaehyun had tried to get away but Sunwoo wouldn't let him deviate from the route to reach Jacob. He at least has the right to ask why he has been lured into a trap like this. 

"We need to have a chat," Jacob says. 

Jaehyun sits down. Sunwoo takes the seat beside Jacob with his tray. Being faced with a panel like this isn't the most comforting thing in the world. 

"What do you want to talk about?" 

"What you did to Sangyeon," Jacob says carefully. "I want to know what made you do it."

"Isn't being stupid enough of a reason?" Sunwoo asks. 

"I want to hear the reason from Jaehyun himself," Jacob says. He nudges the tray closer to Sunwoo and folds his hands on the table, focused, businesslike. "Why, Jaehyun?" 

Jaehyun looks between the patience on Jacob's face and the flippant expression on Sunwoo's face. It isn't quite an interrogation but it still doesn't seem fair. Jaehyun doesn't go around butting into Sunwoo's business for no reason and he can't see why that level of distance doesn't go both ways. 

"What exactly does Sunwoo think I did?" 

"I know everything already," Sunwoo says wisely. "Relax. Tell Jacob how awful you are and how you want him to fix this for you."

"You're not helping," Jacob tells Sunwoo. He pauses before looking at Jaehyun more honestly this time. "Do you think what you did is some big secret? Sangyeon talks to people too. He's been hurt and he deserves to have people take his side. And who wouldn't? You made sure that Sangyeon was only talking to you and he was really serious about the fake profile you made. You actively got his hopes up and you were playing with his feelings the whole time."

"I wasn't." Buying lunch for himself too was a mistake. Jaehyun can hardly stomach the bottle of water he bought for himself. "I wouldn't do that to him. I only wanted to be able to speak to him again. I know I was being stupid, but how else was I supposed to get him back?" 

"What does that mean?" Sunwoo asks with his mouth full. "' _Get him back'_ to get revenge or to make him yours?" 

"That's not it," Jaehyun quickly says. "Does he need to be here? Why are you making me talk like this in front of Sunwoo?" 

"You need the perspective of a genius," Sunwoo says. "People like you with empty heads need all the help you can get."

Sunwoo is almost making things seem normal. But things aren't normal. Jaehyun is awful and spiteful and apparently doesn't care one bit for his friends. 

"How are you supposed to help me?" Jaehyun asks. "Do you have experience of hurting a friend like this?" 

"Obviously not. This might be news to you but people have feelings," Sunwoo says, smug. People having feelings must also be news to Sunwoo because he looks like he is gearing up to obliterate all of Jaehyun’s. "When you love someone aren't you supposed to be more conscious of their feelings?" 

Jaehyun feels somewhere between a retch and a groan before he manages to part his lips. "Have you been talking to Eric?" 

"I told him," Jacob says. He's smiling lightly but there's tension in his expression like he is expecting a poor reaction from Jaehyun. Truthfully Jaehyun does want to react badly, but he's technically at work and kicking up a fuss here will burn him more than anything else. Besides, this is Jacob and it wouldn't do to take any of this out on him. 

"Next time I would appreciate it if you didn't tell Sunwoo." It sounds civil enough to Jaehyun's ears. He can avoid making a fuss and getting escorted from the premises. 

"Do you really mean it then?" Sunwoo asks. "Do you love Sangyeon?" 

Jaehyun shrugs. "If I did have any feelings like that I wouldn't be telling everyone except for Sangyeon."

Jaehyun doesn't often feel the need to tell people about lots of things. He can handle his own problems and he doesn't mind helping out with others in the case that they have nobody else to turn to. To an extent, he likes to think he is reliable and straightforward. Throughout this mess with Sangyeon he hasn't been able to be anything like usual. 

"But… You're not going to help me if I don't tell you the truth, are you?" 

Jacob shakes his head quickly. "That's not it," he says quietly. "You don't have to tell us anything. We want to help you, that's all."

"Even Sunwoo?" Jaehyun asks, because it is worth pointing out unusual behaviour like this. 

"Especially me," Sunwoo says seriously. "You're going to owe me big time after this."

Jaehyun could already tell he would live to regret this. 

* 

Jaehyun is trying not to doze off to the video montage Haknyeon made for his three-week-iverssary with his allegedly real girlfriend. Jaehyun's phone is just about helping him to get through the test screening now that he has downloaded a couple of the games he already used to clog up Sangyeon's phone. But all his high-scores aren't here and Jaehyun's reflexes aren't what he wants them to be. 

"This is the best part!" Haknyeon claims, shaking Jaehyun's shoulder and dooming him to a pixelated death just in time to watch the girl on screen cringe away from Haknyeon slobbering on her cheek. It is most certainly not the best part. 

Luckily Jaehyun doesn't even need to tell Haknyeon that he wasted his time because he gets a missed call from Juyeon. And then another one which he just about manages to answer on his way into his bedroom. 

"What's up?" Jaehyun asks as he closes his bedroom door behind himself. 

"What's up?" comes the almost mocking repetition of the words, slurred through irritation as much as inebriation. "You really have some nerve, Lee Jaehyun. You ruin my life and the first thing you say to me is 'what's up'?" 

Jaehyun thinks maybe he made a mistake so he takes the phone away from his ear and watches the screen illuminate with Juyeon's name. Not a mistake. Still, the moment feels too unrealistic and Jaehyun traps the uncertainty in his chest by holding his breath around his reply. "How am I supposed to know it is you when you're calling me on Juyeon's phone?" 

"You work it out," Sangyeon jeers back at him. There's shuffling on Sangyeon’s end of the line and then a near monophonic cacophony that almost swallows the next words. "Juyeon went to the toilet. He says he's going to take me home and make sure Jacob looks after me. But I don't want that. I want you to come and find me."

Jaehyun can't say anything for a moment. Sangyeon called him. Sangyeon then said he wants Jaehyun to come and find him. This definitely sounds like a mistake or an auditory hallucination. 

Sangyeon sighs. "It sounds like you don't want to find me. That's fine too. I was only going to punch you in your stupid face anyway." 

"I'll find you," Jaehyun says as quickly as he can. He's only wearing clothes to lounge around at home in, but he doesn't think he has enough time to get changed. He'll just have to make do looking like a mess for once. "Tell me where you are."

"Juyeon took me out gaming but we actually came upstairs for sad karaoke instead," Sangyeon mutters, "but he's coming back soon. He's very persuasive when he tries to act responsibly."

"Then don't get persuaded. Go and hide somewhere. You'll have to leave Juyeon's phone there though. Go downstairs and hide in the gaming cafe. It's the one near me, right?" 

Sangyeon laughs, bright excitement, and he doesn't say anything before the clatter of Juyeon's phone dropping to the ground. 

Time is of the essence so Jaehyun yells to Haknyeon that he is vaguely going out and he doesn't wait for a response as he shoves his feet into trainers which only reveal themselves to be an odd pair when he's at the crossing at the corner of his street. It explains why he has had to keep his toes crunched so the left trainer doesn't slip off his foot, but it isn't anything he is in the position to resolve. Going back home will take too long so he pretends his metatarsals aren't bruising as he shivers and waits for the lights to change. 

If Jaehyun could go back and restart this excursion he would ensure he wears a coat along with a matching pair of shoes. As things are, he is crossing the road when Juyeon eventually retrieves his phone. 

"Hello, who is this?" Juyeon asks as though the name on the display isn't indication enough. 

"It's Jaehyun."

"Oh! Jaehyun! I can't talk to you though. I just lost an entire person and Jacob is going to be mad at me if I don't bring Sangyeon home. I mean. If I don't bring the person I lost home."

Juyeon is clumsy in his responsibility but he needn't fret over things. 

"I have Sangyeon. I can take care of him for you," Jaehyun explains as he peers into the window of the gaming café. He can't see Sangyeon so his words are turning into lies, but it isn't anything he is going to stress over. He's going to fix things so he will keep lying to Juyeon. "Get home safe and don't let Jacob tell you off."

"Okay," Juyeon says relieved. Then there's the thread of a gasp. "But how did you find Sangyeon? Did you pull him through my phone or something? We were in a super secret location."

Juyeon is a bit too cute at times like this. "That's right. I transported Sangyeon through the phone and now I have him safe."

Juyeon laughs. "I am glad you could work everything out."

Things haven't been worked out yet, but Jaehyun is hopeful that they can be so he doesn't disagree. He reminds Juyeon to get home safe before they hang up. 

Inside the gaming café, Jaehyun's search for Sangyeon does not go as well as planned. More simply put, Sangyeon isn't even there. Jaehyun checks all the computers and the toilets but Sangyeon is nowhere to be found. It is concerning that Jaehyun cannot find one drunk, and perhaps even emotionally compromised, man. 

Jaehyun leaves and looks up and down the street. And then he catches sight of the neon sign next door. And he thinks that maybe Sangyeon might have wanted to think or maybe even read a page or two.

At night the gaming café tends towards a particularly dingy aesthetic with bright neons on the wrong side of surfaces. The comic café next door is the complete opposite, bright and cheery with cartoonish décor which never changes even though some people are winding down and preparing to sleep. 

Of course with the brighter interior it is far easier to see whether or not Sangyeon is present - which he is. Finding Sangyeon feels like something of a miracle. But seeing him squinting so hard at the comic in his hands is a reminder that they haven't seen each other since Jaehyun came clean over what he had done. 

Even with the onset of apprehension, Jaehyun must remind himself that Sangyeon is the one who called him - though he might just intend to deliver that punch in the face he had muttered about. Jaehyun steadies himself, tries not to mind that he is out in public looking like he doesn't care what the world thinks of him, and tries to attract some positive energy right before finding out just what Sangyeon thinks of him. 

"Jaehyun!" Sangyeon says happily as he waves Jaehyun over to the soft seating. "I think I finally did it. I found the comic from Me Gustas Tu."

Jaehyun doesn't quite understand until he takes the oddly firm, yellow seat beside Sangyeon. The pages of the book are luckily very difficult to see when pressed against Jaehyun's face but he tries not to mind the subliminal flash of BL as he pushes the comic away from his face. 

"What is this, four years of work? How does it feel?" 

"I have never been prouder. Take a picture of me." 

Jaehyun wouldn't refuse a request like that and takes a couple in case Sangyeon wants options for his poses of pride. Sangyeon smiles even wider when he looks through the pictures Jaehyun took. 

"I can die happy now," Sangyeon says. He tips his head back on the chair and looks up at Jaehyun. "I still love him, you know."

Jaehyun takes a minute to breathe before asking. He doesn't want to hear that Sangyeon has welcomed someone back into his life after being ditched and complaining about it to Jaehyun. But he's here to make amends and must do so as fully as possible. 

"Who do you love?" 

"Jaehyun," Sangyeon says. He sighs. "Do you think he still loves me? Even if he was lying about it all along?" 

"He wasn't lying," Jaehyun says. "He loved you. He still does." After a moment he adds, "I do too."

Sangyeon groans. "You're the worst. How are you going to say something like that to me?" 

In an ideal world for Jaehyun, Sangyeon would have made peace with things. But Jaehyun doesn't deserve anything like that. He would quite like that punch in the face right about now. But it doesn't come. Sangyeon is just looking at him, plainly, expectantly. Nothing Jaehyun could say would make a sufficient answer. 

"I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted you to find someone nice. The people you were finding before didn't deserve you." 

Sangyeon closes his eyes. "How am I supposed to find anybody after I met Jaehyun? Without even meeting me he was everything I wanted. And then he broke my heart. Smashed it to pieces so I can't love anyone else again."

Hearing that doesn't sound good but there is something else pricking at Jaehyun. He stares at his hands and decides there is nothing for it. He might as well say what is on his mind. "Could you stop talking like that? Talking about Jaehyun like that's a different person is weird."

Sangyeon opens his eyes and jabs Jaehyun in the neck. "Does that mean you're going to take responsibility for everything then? Everything he did, is that what you did? The one who broke my heart, will you admit it was you?" 

Jaehyun can't breathe so easily, or he doesn't want to, somehow. But after everything he did, everything he wishes he hadn't done, he doesn't deserve to get through this easily. He nods. "It was all me. But that also means that everything else came from me too. Everything about… Loving you back, wishing I could hold you, wanting to be with you for… Wanting to with you for—"

"You don't need to say that part," Sangyeon says. "I've never believed anyone when they've told me that. I have always known nobody means it."

Sangyeon stretches his arms above his head and sits upright in his seat. His face is set, too self-deprecating for Jaehyun to have the faintest inkling that things could work out alright for them. Sangyeon hasn't deserved any of this. 

But Jaehyun isn't sure whether Sangyeon assuming he doesn't deserve things is why he shrugs and says, "I missed you. Jacob was right that I would want to forgive you as soon as I saw you. But it still feels weird. I suppose I must have always liked you a bit and that is why it hurt even more when I found out you pretended to be someone who loved me."

"I am someone who loves you," Jaehyun says. He shuts his mouth quickly and hopes Sangyeon didn't hear the irritation in his tone. He doesn't have the right to say things like this. But Jaehyun has always been one to push his luck. "Do you think there might be a chance that one day you might let me?" 

"Let you what?" Sangyeon asks. 

"Love you."

Sangyeon drops his head into his hands. He tugs at his hair and frowns up at Jaehyun. "You're not allowed to ask me that. I was drinking tonight and I think I love you."

It is just the sort of thing Jaehyun wants to hear even though he doesn't deserve the trust that would come along with that. He's cautious when he places his hand on Sangyeon’s back. The flinch is deserved but Sangyeon laughs afterwards and smiles sheepishly at Jaehyun. 

"Come home with me," Jaehyun says quietly. Before Sangyeon’s expression can shutter on his smile Jaehyun continues. "I will sleep on the sofa but you need a bed to properly rest and sleep it off. And then tomorrow you can go home. And… And maybe we can work out how to be friends again."

Sangyeon nods, stares at the floor before pressing his hand on Jaehyun's knee to prop himself up again. "I want to be friends again."

It is hope and Jaehyun is going to hold onto it as tightly as he can in whatever capacity Sangyeon will take him. Just to make sure he knows where he might stand he asks one more question. 

"When we're friends do you think we might be able to become what you wanted with… With that other Jaehyun."

"With you, you mean?" Sangyeon asks. 

"Yeah. With me."

"I shouldn't answer that like this. I'm going to get carried away."

"We can't have that, can we," Jaehyun says. He stands and pulls Sangyeon up with him. In the morning, Jaehyun only hopes Sangyeon really will want to be friends again. 

*

When Sangyeon wakes up at dawn and tries to sneak out for a walk of shame (without even the benefits of what it should entail), he isn't coordinated enough to reach the front door without making a racket. Jaehyun thinks it lucky that he couldn't sleep in the first place because he has all the presence of mind to retrieve Sangyeon and steer him to the sofa. 

Jaehyun fetches Sangyeon a glass of water and sits quietly whilst Sangyeon glares at him until all the water is gone. 

This is awful. Jaehyun really might love him. 

"You don't have your phone or any money," Jaehyun says. "How were you expecting to get home?" 

"Walking."

That's a terrible idea. There is no way Sangyeon is up to the five-mile walk in this state. Jaehyun smiles and shakes his head. 

"You're too much, you know," Jaehyun says. 

"I could say the same about you." 

Jaehyun can accept that. He is awful. He is too much. But he wants this 'too much' to be something Sangyeon might be able to cope with. 

"I missed you. When we fell out before, I missed you a lot. Even though we were talking every day, I missed you," Jaehyun admits. He hopes that Sangyeon might even forget this before long. 

"I missed you too," Sangyeon says quietly. "I loved him but I missed you. For a little while I was mad at you because I realised that you were a bigger part of my life than I realised."

Sangyeon wouldn't say anything like this normally so Jaehyun isn't going to take the moment for granted. He hopes he won't forget this. But when Jaehyun tries to say something to that effect, Sangyeon doesn't want to hear it. 

"Not now."

Jaehyun can cope with that. He must be able to. At least if Sangyeon didn't mean what he said earlier about wanting to be friends again, he has friends who want him to make things up to Sangyeon. If the time to make up isn't now, it isn't an indistinct and far-off time. He has hope. 

*

Sunwoo makes up some excuse about having an appointment with Haknyeon after work so he bothers Jaehyun all the way home on the train and the bus too. Jaehyun usually likes being able to wind down after a day of dealing with annoying people but Sunwoo prolonging his suffering is something he is trying not to be bothered by. He is planning his nice relaxing bubblebath at home when Sunwoo elbows him and asks if the train is at their stop. 

The train is at Jaehyun's stop and making a dash off the train extinguishes the scented candles in Jaehyun's mind. He tries not to be too bothered. He'll have real ones to soothe him soon. He will just have to wear earplugs to pretend Haknyeon and Sunwoo aren't being annoying on the other side of the wall. 

Except, one bus ride later, Jaehyun opens his front door to find Sangyeon sitting on the sofa with Haknyeon and Jacob. 

"Wow, what a surprise," Sunwoo says without inflection. 

"You're just in time to watch the Christmasverssary video I have made for my girlfriend!" Haknyeon cheers. 

"Have you told him she's not his girlfriend?" Jaehyun whispers to Sunwoo. The response is an extremely honest admission of disappointment. At least people have tried. 

One of the people who probably hasn't encouraged Haknyeon to see the truth is Jacob who quickly attaches himself to Sunwoo as he ushers them into the living room. "Come in, there's someone I want you to meet."

Jaehyun assumes the person he should be meeting is Sangyeon who is smiling cautiously at him. Jaehyun's relaxing bath can wait. He needs to get a head start on trying to be friends with Sangyeon again. 


End file.
